Last week was a busy week and Amith was spacing out. I asked him if anything was wrong, and he said, “No.”
I asked, “Are you sick?”
He said, “No.”
I asked, “Did anything bad happen?”
He shook his head.
“But you’re acting different.”
“I’m just thinking about a lot of things.”
I sent an email to my mom, describing Amith’s unusual zombie-like behavior. This was her response:
At a marriage retreat, the leader once read something that went like this:
Her diary:
Day 1. He’s been kind of distant from me. I asked him what’s wrong and he said “Nothing.” But I know there is. Hopefully it will blow over soon.
Day 2. He left for work without giving me the goodbye kiss, as if he didn’t even remember that’s our tradition. I feel so hurt. He swears he’s not angry, but why is he so cold to me?
Day 3. Now I’m sure something’s wrong. He lay staring at the ceiling last night then fell asleep without talking or hugging me. Clearly there’s something in our relationship that’s bothering him that he won’t walk about. I offended him, but how?
Day 4. Our marriage is in trouble. I sense that it’s about to implode. I begged him to go to counseling, but he said we don’t need it. What can I do? The more I ask about it, the more he denies anything is wrong.
Day 5. I’ve decided to move in with my mom for a few days until we can sort this out.
His diary:
Day ? (whenever) I can’t figure out what’s wrong with my motorcycle!!!!! My wife is going to visit her mom for some reason. I’ll miss her but it’ll give me time to figure out if it’s the carbeurator.
We get to have PMS, and we hope people will understand, not take it personally, and know that we’ll feel better after a while.
Men sometimes need to go to their quiet spot mentally to get away from it all and recoup. Like Jesus leaving the crowds and the disciples and going to a place of solitude. Perhaps Amith is feeling mentally tired at the moment.
Another thing about men is that they, much more than women, tend to focus on one thing at a time (their brains actually have fewer neurons crossing the two hemispheres than women do, so they don’t multi-task as comfortably). When something comes up, men can get very preoccupied until the problem is solved (like the story of the guy with the motorcycle).
In fact, Amith said he’s thinking about a lot of things. I would take that at face value, that this is exactly what’s going on for him. Let him go to Amithland when he needs to. He’ll be back, and he’ll appreciate the fact that you give him the space and freedom to be pre-occupied sometimes. Don’t take it personally, just know he needs that space, and wait patiently for him until he’s ready to tune into you again.
It might help him, when he is in Amith-land, to say something like, “I can see you’re in Amith-land, and that’s OK. I will pray that God gives you wisdom and success in the things you’re thinking about. Is there anything you’d like for me to do for you?” You see, it’s offering support when he’s feeling pressure, instead of adding pressure to him. Kind of like when he offers you chocolate when you have PMS instead of scolding you for not being your usual self.
And yes, as you can tell, since they brought it up in a marriage seminar, this is common male behavior!
My emotions often have a tight grip on me. I was very worried for the two days Amith was distant, although nothing was wrong. After two days, Amith came back to earth and all was right with the world. I adore my husband and despite his flaws I think he’s among the greatest men I’ve ever met. (Which, of course is why I married him.) But even the greatest people inevitably disappoint and frustrate us.
Some people in such circumstances would become very upset with their spouse. When we continually seek our fulfillment from people, all sorts of evil will spring forth. This is how affairs start; a person will not ever find perfect happiness in relationships with other people.
My husband challenged me to pray and read the Bible whenever I feel lonely. This is growing and strengthening my heart.
When we find our fulfillment from God, we find in Him someone who is always faithful and never-changing. Someone we can depend upon and who never fails us.
Psalm 136
His Steadfast Love Endures Forever
136 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
2 Give thanks to the God of gods,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
4 to him who alone does great wonders,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
5 to him who by understanding made the heavens,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
6 to him who spread out the earth above the waters,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
7 to him who made the great lights,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
8 the sun to rule over the day,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
9 the moon and stars to rule over the night,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
10 to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
11 and brought Israel out from among them,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
12 with a strong hand and an outstretched arm,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
13 to him who divided the Red Sea in two,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
14 and made Israel pass through the midst of it,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
15 but overthrew[a] Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
16 to him who led his people through the wilderness,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
17 to him who struck down great kings,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
18 and killed mighty kings,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
19 Sihon, king of the Amorites,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
20 and Og, king of Bashan,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
21 and gave their land as a heritage,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
22 a heritage to Israel his servant,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
23 It is he who remembered us in our low estate,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
24 and rescued us from our foes,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
25 he who gives food to all flesh,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
26 Give thanks to the God of heaven,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Saree Not Sorry 